I've been talking to my buddies about the context for this quiet guy adventure. Thanks to Mark Silver from Heart of Business for a terrific exercise which helped to refine my vision and the context.
Here is what surfaced for me:
My vision is a work environment where quiet guys sit shoulder to shoulder with the louder extroverted types. Where they are heard, respected and rewarded for the gifts they offer their team or organization.
The biggest struggle has been their own fears and anxiety connected to sharing their point of view often in a less than friendly (hostile) environment.
I celebrate each time a quiet guy steps up and shares their truth and they make a powerful mark on others who never saw it coming. I love the surprise factor of unexpected brilliance and the quiet confidence that wells up when a quiet guy realizes they have huge value to offer even if others can’t see it.
If you are struggling to identify your personal vision check out Mark's blog post via this link:
http://bit.ly/ehgBZT
Be Quiet and Be Proud!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Quiet Confidence Generator - 5 Secrets of a Confident Introvert
I'm working on developing a simple framework to help introverted men quickly tap into their innate strengths and put themselves into a state of quiet confidence.
I'm using the word Q.U.I.E.T. to capture the 5 secrets that I personally use. I will be building on this framework in future postings. For now here is the basic, very rough outline I sketched in my journal last night.
Q = Questions
Being curious about others, being in an asking rather than a telling state of being, having a short list of your favourite questions to ask others boosts confidence because it puts your focus on other people rather than presenting yourself as 'THE EXPERT'. The best sales people ask lots of questions and act more as guides than pitch men. Aren't we always selling others on our ideas? Asking questions boosts confidence.
U = Understanding
Just because you ask questions doesn't mean you are listening. A focus on deeply understanding a person, situation, idea, concept, challenge etc. builds confidence. Checking or validating what you've heard deepens understanding. Seeking different points of view on an issue also works well to broaden your understanding and build confidence in decisions you are making.
I = Intent
Why do you do what you do? Being clear about your intentions provides a sense of inner knowing and peace that you are bringing positive energy to the table and are managing your ego so that any engagement you have with other people helps bring out the best in all involved.
E = Empathy
Easy to say, but hard to do. Stepping into the shoes, mind and hearts of other people, understanding their worldview, what matters to them, what their hopes, dreams, fears and challenges are helps to build rapport, trust and greater confidence in both yourself and the people you are serving.
T = Time
Taking the time you need to process and plan, even if it's a few minutes to compose your thoughts, collect your questions and put on the right mindset is an essential step for introverts looking to be quietly confident.
What do you think? Did I miss something? Anything you would add or change?
I'm using the word Q.U.I.E.T. to capture the 5 secrets that I personally use. I will be building on this framework in future postings. For now here is the basic, very rough outline I sketched in my journal last night.
Q = Questions
Being curious about others, being in an asking rather than a telling state of being, having a short list of your favourite questions to ask others boosts confidence because it puts your focus on other people rather than presenting yourself as 'THE EXPERT'. The best sales people ask lots of questions and act more as guides than pitch men. Aren't we always selling others on our ideas? Asking questions boosts confidence.
U = Understanding
Just because you ask questions doesn't mean you are listening. A focus on deeply understanding a person, situation, idea, concept, challenge etc. builds confidence. Checking or validating what you've heard deepens understanding. Seeking different points of view on an issue also works well to broaden your understanding and build confidence in decisions you are making.
I = Intent
Why do you do what you do? Being clear about your intentions provides a sense of inner knowing and peace that you are bringing positive energy to the table and are managing your ego so that any engagement you have with other people helps bring out the best in all involved.
E = Empathy
Easy to say, but hard to do. Stepping into the shoes, mind and hearts of other people, understanding their worldview, what matters to them, what their hopes, dreams, fears and challenges are helps to build rapport, trust and greater confidence in both yourself and the people you are serving.
T = Time
Taking the time you need to process and plan, even if it's a few minutes to compose your thoughts, collect your questions and put on the right mindset is an essential step for introverts looking to be quietly confident.
What do you think? Did I miss something? Anything you would add or change?
Monday, March 21, 2011
How To Write Your Own Personal Success Script
Are you attracted to tools and techniques that help you better understand yourself? I thought so.
I stumbled upon a blog post by social media guru Chris Brogan that provides a fill in the blank formula for quickly getting to the heart of you and your personal vision or goals for the year ahead.
Here is my script using his formula:
My name is Brenton. I was raised in London, Ontario, a place known for its trees and health care. When I was growing up, I never quiet felt like I was like other guys. I used to think that I'd grow up to be superman or a firefighter saving others from burning buildings and bad guys, but that's not how it turned out. Instead, I spend my time saving quiet guys from the insanity of living a lie to please others and to avoid the uncomfortableness that comes when we set out to make a lasting and meaningful mark.
Over the last few years, I've felt challenged by finding the balance between working a 9-5 job which I enjoy, keeping my family commitments and pursuing this idea of the Quiet Guy Society. It always seems that people around me seem comfortable and satisfied with their 9-5, but not me. In my world, I find myself feeling like I have more value to offer than what I have to offer at work.
Thinking about the next several months, I want to make a change. I want to think more about my first offer to promote. I might not want to forget about my other commitments, but I'll try and turn it around and focus on a tangible product a bit more than the other stuff.
Lastly, when I look back on how things went in six or eight months, I hope that I can say that I kept blogging, shared Quiet Guy Society with lots of people and learned a lot about what the community needs. I want one of the most special people in my life, Corrie (my wife), to say this about me: He is having a blast and helping a lot of quiet guys find and make their mark and has become an even better husband and father. That's when I'd feel really good about things, no matter what else happens.
That's my personal script for the moment. Fill it out for yourself and feel free to send it my way.
I stumbled upon a blog post by social media guru Chris Brogan that provides a fill in the blank formula for quickly getting to the heart of you and your personal vision or goals for the year ahead.
Here is my script using his formula:
My name is Brenton. I was raised in London, Ontario, a place known for its trees and health care. When I was growing up, I never quiet felt like I was like other guys. I used to think that I'd grow up to be superman or a firefighter saving others from burning buildings and bad guys, but that's not how it turned out. Instead, I spend my time saving quiet guys from the insanity of living a lie to please others and to avoid the uncomfortableness that comes when we set out to make a lasting and meaningful mark.
Over the last few years, I've felt challenged by finding the balance between working a 9-5 job which I enjoy, keeping my family commitments and pursuing this idea of the Quiet Guy Society. It always seems that people around me seem comfortable and satisfied with their 9-5, but not me. In my world, I find myself feeling like I have more value to offer than what I have to offer at work.
Thinking about the next several months, I want to make a change. I want to think more about my first offer to promote. I might not want to forget about my other commitments, but I'll try and turn it around and focus on a tangible product a bit more than the other stuff.
Lastly, when I look back on how things went in six or eight months, I hope that I can say that I kept blogging, shared Quiet Guy Society with lots of people and learned a lot about what the community needs. I want one of the most special people in my life, Corrie (my wife), to say this about me: He is having a blast and helping a lot of quiet guys find and make their mark and has become an even better husband and father. That's when I'd feel really good about things, no matter what else happens.
That's my personal script for the moment. Fill it out for yourself and feel free to send it my way.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Today - When you are in need of an emotional pump up
Today you are a rock star
Today you are you at your best
Today you take the horns off the bull
Today you are cool and calm
Today you are the leader
Today you own the moment
Today you are on fire
Today you will make your family proud
Today you turn lead into gold
Today you treat others like royalty (without the paparazzi)
Today your gut is relaxed
Today you are at peace
Today you are an ambassador of hope for something better
Today is your day
Go get it
Today you are you at your best
Today you take the horns off the bull
Today you are cool and calm
Today you are the leader
Today you own the moment
Today you are on fire
Today you will make your family proud
Today you turn lead into gold
Today you treat others like royalty (without the paparazzi)
Today your gut is relaxed
Today you are at peace
Today you are an ambassador of hope for something better
Today is your day
Go get it
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What I do when I worry
I worry.
I spend too much time going in mental circles like an airplane that isn't given permission to land.
I feel a moment of ease and vroom the worry comes right back, my heart pounds and I'm flying at a faster speed than before.
I try to relax and think about the people and moments I love, the positive forces in my life.
Then I feel a rush of love coarse through my veins and there it is.
Air traffic control has given me the okay to come on home.
The worry has left.
I'm at peace. For now.
I spend too much time going in mental circles like an airplane that isn't given permission to land.
I feel a moment of ease and vroom the worry comes right back, my heart pounds and I'm flying at a faster speed than before.
I try to relax and think about the people and moments I love, the positive forces in my life.
Then I feel a rush of love coarse through my veins and there it is.
Air traffic control has given me the okay to come on home.
The worry has left.
I'm at peace. For now.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
What do you believe?
Cereal is a morning staple in my household. I prefer the granola and muesli varieties and have been inspired by a company that puts their heart on the box.
Dorset Cereals says "We believe that life really is too short to settle for second best and that simple, honest pleasures are often the most rewarding."
It's a bit odd that a cereal came to mind when I read the first chapter in the book The Art of Convening but that's how my mind works.
I love the clarity of their core or driving belief. It's the answer to why they exist. They have built their brand on the idea of simple pleasures.
The first chapter of Art of Convening, ‘At the heart of the matter’, focuses on getting in touch with your deepest and most powerful self. To be clear, the book is about how to have authentic engagements, meetings, conversations etc.
I’ve been trying it out with my wife and at work and it works well.
To be ready to convene with others in an authentic and enriching way we must first be aware of not only who we are but also who we are in relation to the people we are convening with. This starts with identifying our core beliefs or values just as Dorset has.
Dorset Cereals says "We believe that life really is too short to settle for second best and that simple, honest pleasures are often the most rewarding."
It's a bit odd that a cereal came to mind when I read the first chapter in the book The Art of Convening but that's how my mind works.
I love the clarity of their core or driving belief. It's the answer to why they exist. They have built their brand on the idea of simple pleasures.
The first chapter of Art of Convening, ‘At the heart of the matter’, focuses on getting in touch with your deepest and most powerful self. To be clear, the book is about how to have authentic engagements, meetings, conversations etc.
I’ve been trying it out with my wife and at work and it works well.
To be ready to convene with others in an authentic and enriching way we must first be aware of not only who we are but also who we are in relation to the people we are convening with. This starts with identifying our core beliefs or values just as Dorset has.
One of the exercises in chapter 1 that helps to deepen self-awareness focuses on identifying your non-negotiable values. One way to ask this question is ‘What do you stand for?’ Another way is ‘What do you stand up for? What are you willing to fight for?
I’ve found it difficult to answer questions about values head on. I’ve found it easier to think about experiences in which I’ve been in conflict or upset or frustrated with someone. The reason there is conflict is because there is a clash of beliefs and a lack of understanding or empathy for the other person(s). This exercise seems to energize my brain and awaken my deepest beliefs.
Do this:
To get to your core values or beliefs imagine a situation that really got you upset or kept you up at night and think about what belief you were holding onto that triggered an emotional reaction. What was it that the other person said or did? Why did that get you upset? What is it you believe in so strongly that it got you worked up?
For me a core belief, a non-negotiable value is R.E.S.P.E.C.T!
When others belittle or dismiss others as being lesser than they are my heart pounds faster and I get angry. And I want to run and hide. Heck, I’m not saying I’m great at dealing with conflict, that’s for another time, but I can use the conflict scenario to tap into what I deeply value.
So what?
Reconnecting to our core values and beliefs reminds us about our true character and what we bring to the people we convene with. I carry respect with me and have always found that as a result of this people are open and trust me which bodes well for my role as a researcher.
After writing this I’m hungry for a bowl of cereal. I hope you enjoyed chewing on this blog post. Do the exercise and post your comments.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)