Be yourself and be successful? Or Not?

Do you ever get caught between two decisions?

I'm caught in a mental back and forth that maybe you've been through yourself. After some reflection and writing I think I have a path out of the muddle and I thought I would share it with you.

The question I have been thinking about and talking to others about is can we have everything we want by just being our quiet guy selves or do we have to stretch and grow and push ourselves to get out of our own heads and maybe take on some extroverted tendencies to be successful?

One notion I've been thinking about is that we can 'be quiet and prosper'. It is appealing to think that we can just be ourselves and succeed. It feels really good in my soul to think about just being me and having everything I dream of.

Mike Robbins wrote a book reinforcing the idea called 'Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken'.
Mike suggests that society tells us we are broken and we need to be fixed. His position is that we should focus on being ourselves, be authentic, yet at the same time what I don't think he's saying is that we can hide and run scared from life and use our quietness as an excuse.

Here is what I know from my experience. I used to be more shy than I am today. I don't think that is who I was or am. It's not authentic for me to be shy. That is not who I am. There is a distinction between shy and introverted which we should get clear about. Introversion does not mean shy. Introversion is often connected to shyness because most people don't know the difference.

Shyness is connected to fear while introversion and extroversion are related to where you get your energy from, or where you tend to live most of the time. Introverts prefer the world of thoughts and ideas and get energy or recharge by themselves. We tend to be less action-oriented and more reflective in nature. While extroverts are more action-oriented, enjoy the outer world and recharge their energy by being around other people.

The challenge is that extroverts often label introverts as shy because we tend to think before we speak. We need time to process which in a fast-paced extroverted world can be viewed as being hesitant, shy, quiet, indecisive etc. etc. etc.

I believe it's authentic to be introverted and I'm all for leveraging our strengths and finding work that allows us to use our gifts, but our tendency to live in our heads can also be limiting in an extroverted world.

My position is that I think introverts must move to the middle and adopt extroverted tendencies at times. I don't think this is inauthentic. I think it's sensible to recognize the environment and people around us and flex ourselves to create a better dynamic with the extroverts in our lives. I believe that we must get out of our heads more than we might like to, to truly have all that we want out of life.

One thing I want is less stress in my life.

I've reduced my stress over the past few years by getting out of my head more than I used to. I learned that if I share ideas with others before they are fully formed it is a win-win scenario. In the past I let my introverted ways get the best of me. I would think and think and think about ideas on my own. Analysis paralysis is a challenge for me and other introverts I've met. I've found that putting my ideas out there for others to comment on early and often has made my life much happier. I'm less stressed and my wife and colleagues feel more involved as they are able to provide input and direction early on rather than wondering what I'm thinking about for so long.

So there are two positions. One position is that you can be yourself and be successful. The other is that you must flex and adapt to your surroundings. I think the answer is a hybrid of the two ideas. You should strive to be authentic, know who you are, what you stand for and take comfort in your quiet guy gifts or talents but also recognize that you don't live in a bubble. If you have big dreams like I do it will mean stretching and growing and adapting. Just remember that you are not alone. You can keep coming back here for ideas and inspiration to get out of your head and into life in ways you probably can't even imagine right now.

What do you think?

12.5 Best One-Line Definitions of Personal Branding

Personal branding is an idea and process that many introverts resist.

Personal branding is an introverted and extroverted activity. It involves self exploration to unlock a vision for your life's work that leverages what you care deeply about, what you are most talented at and what you enjoy doing.

It goes beyond personal discovery work to include a marketing element of packaging and promoting the best of who you are so that the people you most want to work with and help know about you and ultimately hire you for what you bring to the table.

I find a lot of introverts resist the idea of personal branding because of the perception that it's about shameless self promotion, tooting your own horn, putting yourself in the spotlight etc. While there is some truth to the idea that personal branding requires putting yourself out there there are many benefits of using the ideas and concepts of personal branding to focus yourself and move more deliberately towards your goals and vision.

I'll be writing more about personal branding for introverts in an upcoming blog. Let's start the conversation with some definitions of personal branding.

I'm a member of the Linked In Group 'Personal Branding Network'. Recently the question was posed "How do you define Personal Brand in one sentence?" Over a hundred people replied to this question. In my humble opinion here are the top 12.5 ideas (in no particular order):


1. Bearing in mind that perception is not always reality, one’s personal brand is comprised of his or her appearance, personality and character traits, beliefs and attitudes, skills, and the accomplishments for which he or she is best known.

2. Your personal brand is the thing that makes you and others smile when you're talking about it or doing it.

3. The 1st thing people think of when they hear your name.

4. (This was my response) It's what people associate with you, how they think and feel about you based on their experiences with you directly or indirectly through word of mouth or content, products etc. that act as an extension of who you are and what you stand for. We all leave our mark on the people we interact with. The decision for each of us is how deliberate we want to be about it.

5. You have a personal brand whether you are aware of it or not but a strong Personal Brand will be intentional and reflect your true character, values, strengths, and uniqueness to the world around you.

6. Your brand is the answer to the question: "Why should your prospect or target pick up the phone when you call?"

7. Personal branding (any branding for that matter) is the creation, manipulation, and power to influence “perception” in the minds of others.

8. The 'emotional response you evoke in others'.

9. Your personal brand is..The promise you keep... every time!

10. Your personal brand is what others say about you when your not there.

11. Your value - what you can do uniquely well to help others address opportunities or solve problems that matter to them.

12. Your most valuable asset in business today.

12.5 The art of being yourself and being perceived as unique and valuable.


Have you defined your personal brand? Do you even care about it? It's time you took a serious look at it if you've ignored or avoided it.

Start by reflecting on your beliefs about personal branding. What aspects of personal branding do you feel could help you achieve your goals? What aspects of personal branding do you dislike and why? Revealing your affirming and limiting beliefs will help identify potential fuel to build on and barriers to manage as you build your brand.