How to Get Through an Identity Crisis in 30 Minutes or Less

I was feeding the family fish and it got me thinking...

Goldie is a blue/green Betta fish that my daughter selected from the local pet store.

It is a female tropical fish with an identity crisis.

The fish is clearly not gold, but I suppose it does have some shine to it.

My daughter was not open to any other name. In fact, she had picked the name prior to going to the store. The expectation was that we would be purchasing a goldfish. We found out that a goldfish can not live without a filter system. Despite buying a blue coloured fish the name remained Goldie.

Now we have a blue fish with a permanent identity crisis. Imagine what the other Betta fish would say about her. Would she forever feel like an outcast, an unwelcome stranger or misfit if she was reunited with her fellow species?

Do you ever feel like that as an introvert in this extrovert world we live in? Our reserved behaviour is often labeled incorrectly. Quiet is often viewed as being secretive or aloof. We are often misunderstood and it's annoying.

What I've experienced is that this scenario can trigger self doubt and often leads to questioning my worth or value. When I was younger I would spend far too long in a negative mental space asking the big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What makes me unique and valuable? etc. etc.

I've learned after many bruises and bumps along the way how to speed up the process of getting back to my sense of self, my comfortable and confident core, and ending an identity crisis quickly.

Remember Peak Experiences

What I do is remember the top experiences in my life. The times when I was truly shining brightly. The times when I was fully 'in flow', in control, feeling expansive, influential, powerful and contributing in an authentic way to the best of my ability. These are the times when I have actually shed a tear with my clients. The tears are not from sadness but from the realization that we have both been transformed by a deep truth as a result of our coaching conversation.

A trip down memory lane, remembering the peak experiences is a simple but amazingly powerful technique that I come back to regularly. If you'd rather have a more tangible device simply update your resume and it will remind you of your best work and the tangible results you've accomplished.

A word of warning!

Beware that doing this exercise can also trigger negative self talk. Don't let yourself go there. This is not about the number of peak experiences or the size of the results you've created.

Look for the positive learning and stay focused on what this exercise is meant to do. Sit in the greatness of who you are by tapping into your best moments, even if it's only one moment, and build from that positive sense of self worth.

Take 30 minutes or less right now and reflect on a time when you felt you were making a contribution that others valued. Where were you? Who was with you? What were you doing? What impact did you have? How might you create a similar experience again?

This works for me. I hope it works for you too.

Now, how might I get this message to the blue fish called Goldie?!