5 Questions To Calm The Angry Introvert

Anger is an emotion that creeps up. It attaches itself to our minds and hearts like a parasite that feeds on our souls. It compromises our relationships and reputation when it strikes in unhealthy ways.

Anger is triggered when we feel we have lost something. That loss could be the loss of a loved one, the loss of money, the loss of an opportunity...the list goes on and on.

The loss of control, or the perception of it is a common trigger for anger. Tightly woven to the loss of control is the need to be right which often creates battles at home and at work.

As introverts the challenge we can have with anger is how to manage it and prevent it from building up inside of us. That is until something or someone tips the scale and blamo the anger is released. And the anger that is released often takes the form of verbal or physical actions that emotionally or physically harm others and potentially ourselves.

Let's dig deeper into the beliefs that cause anger to bubble and explode and then I will suggest some questions you can ask yourself to help take the pressure off and turn anger into calm in a matter of seconds.

When I've explored the web of beliefs connected to the need to feel in control one core belief is "I am right and they are wrong."


The reason anger builds up is that we have either not learned or are not applying the skill of surrendering our need to be right. Our need to be right creates an instant battlefield that requires a winner and a loser. A simple shift in perspective can help. We need to snap ourselves out of our own heads and get into the heads and hearts of the person we are directing our anger at as quickly as possible.

These are questions that have worked for me. I hope they help you too. 

1. Who am I being?

This question helps increase awareness of behaviour and sometimes just by itself is enough to create a healthy shift that defuses anger. 

2. Why do I love them?

This question puts the angry introvert right into the heart of the other person in a positive way and takes the focus away from winning the fight.

3. How might they be right?

There are other points of view and without giving up your voice you can share your position and then you can seek to understand the other person's position.

4. What is this costing me?

There is always a cost to anger. Reminding yourself what not dealing with anger is doing to you and those around you can move you to take positive action. 

5. Who do I want to be?

Reconnecting to the vision of the person you are striving to be is a powerful antidote to anger. 

Anger is an emotion that personally I want to work on managing better. I'm sure I'll be writing about this again. What makes you angry? How do you manage it?