How to get out of your head and share your ideas

Quiet Guy - Mr. Spock

A rigid left-brain thinker who chose his words carefully Mr Spock got under Captain Kirk's skin to no end.

Like our compadre Spock, when we see the world through a logical lens and live mostly in our heads it can frustrate more expressive, extroverted people in our lives. (Just ask my wife!)

To avoid harming personal and professional relationships us introverts need to open up a bit more (or a lot more depending on your situation).

It is not easy to do. It is hard to say what's on your mind especially when there is potential for conflict.

The downside of holding ideas in our head is that it leaves others guessing and creates the perception that we don't care and are not team players.

Here are four quick tips to help you express yourself and keep extroverts on your side.

1.Just say it 

This piece of advice probably seems overly simplistic but the truth of the matter is that what makes extroverts valuable is their ability to communicate their ideas (even if they are not fully formed). Get in the habit of sharing ideas when they are half done. You can set expectations with others and take pressure off of yourself by saying something like, 'this idea is not fully formed but I'd appreciate your input to make it better'.

2. Fake it

I've found that my relationship with my wife, kids and colleagues improves when I deliberately let people know what I'm doing, where I'm going etc. and avoid my tendency to just sneak away from the party (old habits die hard). It doesn't always feel comfortable or natural but when I 'fake' being extroverted for a few minutes and let people know what's up it helps keep others thinking good thoughts about me.

3. Use a prop 

In the research work that I do for clients I've learned that it's much easier for some people to share their ideas if they have something tangible to talk about and direct their attention to. It works like a charm because it takes the focus off of you or the other person and directs it to some inanimate object, drawing or image. If you are thinking about an idea and want to get input on the idea try drawing a rough picture of it and then sharing that with others for input rather than simply talking about it.

4. Separate ideas from your identity 

In the book 'Egonomics', authors David Marcum and Steven Smith write about a powerful concept that  has helped me share ideas with others. Many of us have a hard time receiving feedback. We take input personally. Their position is that we should deliberately separate out ideas with our identity. Having a open conversation about this concept with the people you work with will open up the team, reduce hurt feelings and generate rich conversations.


If you find that critiques feel personal in nature politely direct the focus back to the idea not the person that brought the idea to the table. The goal is to create a work environment where the best idea wins no matter where the idea came from. Let's remember that ideas are a dime a dozen. Ideas without implementation don't amount to much. So don't take your ideas too seriously. When we take ourselves too seriously we tend to hold our ideas inside and it becomes a losing proposition for all involved.  

I hope these tips help you get out of your head, share your ideas and make a bigger impact in the lives of the people you live and work with.

Live quiet and prosper!