In Darkness There is Light

I feel compelled this morning to reach out to all the quiet guys who are in a dark place...

Who have lost their light.

Who have lost hope.

Who have lost perspective.

Who have lost themselves.

There is light, even in the darkest corners of your mind, spirit and body.

There is hope, poking it's nose around those dark corners.

There is perspective, if you step outside of your immediate situation and look at things through a bigger context, through a longer term lens, from a place of love.

There is you, still in there fighting to be heard, seeking to be loved, needing to be valued.

Where ever you are, I'm out here holding the light for you.

You are heard, loved and valuable even when you are quiet.

Even when you are in a dark place.

Please look for the cracks...

That expose the possibility that the darkness is a gift.

That turn a frown into a knowing smile.

That teach you a lesson about what matters most.

That reveal the light within you that others need to find their way home.

You are needed quiet guy.

Keep your light on.

Why I've been so quiet

I've been very quiet lately.

What did you expect from a quiet guy! :)
 It has felt like a necessary and natural break.

A number of people have been asking about this blog and why I haven't been posting.

Here's the deal.

The past six months have been a time of deep reflection and career transition.

I've been thinking about who I am, what I enjoy, what I want, how I want to contribute, who I want to play with and how to best leverage my experience.

The result of this exploration has been the development of a new business.

The business is called Strategic Fuel. It's a business and brand platform that will allow me to contribute in new and bigger ways. This is a business that is exciting for me. I've been getting a very positive response, fully enjoying the conversations and new connections. And I've landed some work too!

The image of the fire pit is a symbol that is resonating with me right now. It suggests coming full circle in my career and the importance of letting some things burn down so that new ideas and energy can emerge.

I'm letting the idea of being an 'employee' burn up. It's being replaced with the idea and stance of being an 'entrepreneur'.

There have been moments filled with anxiety and fear as I make the move to establish my own business. But mostly there is an underlying voice reminding me that life is short and it's time to play big. It's this voice that keeps me excited and moving forward.

I'm in the process of developing my Strategic Fuel website and you can check it out here www.strategicfuel.ca

I'm pondering what to do with this blog but I know that whatever it becomes will be the right direction for it.

Whether it's serving my clients through my new business, through this blog or in other ways I look forwarding to helping other guys like me express the best of who they are and build a prosperous business and life!

The Gift ONLY YOU can Offer

I saw this present under the tree and it got me thinking...
 
You have a gift to offer others.

You and ONLY YOU can offer this gift because no one has lived the exact same life that you have.

In my last post 'What's the compelling event that makes you essential in any economy?'  I outlined a three step framework to help anyone sell anything. Last time I started with the third question.

The three questions are:

1. Why do the people you are selling to buy anything?
2. Why buy you?
3. Why buy now?

Today we are focusing on the second question.

I love the idea that every person on this planet offers a distinct and valuable gift, and that there is a group of people out there that are eager to accept it if only they knew about it, and it was packaged in a way that was exciting to receive and open.

Sit with this idea and let the questions below and scenario of offering a gift only you can offer to some eager person (or group) run through your mind and heart.

Think about:

• What is my gift? 
• Why is it essential that I share my gift? 
• Who is most eager to receive it?
• When are they most eager? 
• What positive change or difference will occur for them as a result of their receiving it?
• What abilities and experiences allow you to offer this gift with an open, courageous heart?

Any gifts that surface for you that you are excited about are worth sharing with others. Don't spend too much time thinking about it. You will only know the answer to 'why you?' by being out in the world and sharing who you are with others.

So...what is one way you could share your gift this holiday season?

What's The 'Compelling Event' That Makes You Essential in Any Economy?

I saw this 'Blinking indicates...' notice on an elevator in Winnipeg during a recent business trip and it got me thinking...

Imagine being on that elevator and it suddenly stops between floors for some unknown reason. Panic!!

Have you ever been in a situation like that?

Have you experienced an event that causes a quick jump in your heart rate, increased panic, urgency or worry and the automatic search for an immediate solution?

The trapped in an elevator scenario could be defined as a 'compelling event'. If you are one of those people stuck in that metal box hanging by a wire you are compelled to find a solution immediately. You don't want a solution tomorrow or in a month. You want an answer RIGHT NOW!!!

Let me back up for one second to explain that the idea I'm sharing is related to three timeless questions that every human (or group of humans) who cares about being viewed as essential by the people that hold the purse strings should answer: 

Question One: Why do the people you are selling to buy anything?
Question Two: Why should they buy/choose you?
Question Three: Why should they buy/decide now!?

Question One relates to the core needs and wants of the people you are selling to. This could apply to your boss, your peers or your clients. How well do you really understand their motivations/needs/pains etc.?

Question Two relates to your competitive advantage or differentiation from others in your field. How well do you understand others in your field and how you stand apart from them?

Question Three is the focus of this discussion. I'm starting in reverse and will cover the other two questions in future blog posts. Question Three is about defining the compelling event that makes you essential and moves people to make a decision quickly.

There are real and manufactured compelling events. 

A classic example of a manufactured compelling event is a time or quantity limited offer. These types of events are called 'door crashers' and 'blue-light specials' and are proven to motivate people to buy.

In comparison, a real compelling event is a high stakes moment or series of moments that people have that they need help to get through successfully. These are the times when people seek out experts because when their reputation, health, money or relationships are on the line it is easy to justify spending the time, energy and money to get help.

When the stakes are high that's when you want to be THE guy on their mind!

A compelling event that I've experienced many times is when marketing or product managers are launching a new product. There are deadlines and sales expectations to hit. Product launches are high profile, stressful events with reputations on the line.

When companies are launching products, a new service or even a new company this is when I've been called to the table to help them feel more confident in how they are communicating the value of their offering. These are moments when I shine and offer tremendous value. These are also moments when budgets are sizable and there is little haggling over price, which also helps to bring out my best!

With the research and strategic planning work that I do for corporate clients I want to be known as an essential person on the team when a new product is going to be launched.  A product launch is a compelling event that creates demand for the greatest value I can offer to companies. It is truly a win-win scenario.

Here's how to identify your compelling event

To identify compelling events think about the times when you are sought after. More specifically, what are the most urgent, critical, high stakes, reputation on the line moments that people are willing to pay handsomely to solve that bring out your greatest talents and passion? These are the moments when you deliver the maximum value you can deliver.

The bottom line of why this matters

A compelling event drives people to make a buying decision quickly. Any delay in purchasing a solution will have negative consequences. A delay could harm a person's (or organization's) financial situation, relationships, reputation or health.  I believe that positioning yourself, your products or services as the expert in helping a specific group of people with a specific compelling event, or series of connected events is one of the most powerful strategies you can tap into to ensure you are needed and wanted in any economy.

Define your compelling event. Do it right now!

3 Life Changing Questions About Fences

I saw this fence blocking the sidewalk at the school where my daughter attends and it got me thinking...

1. What fences are in my way right now?

2. What would happen if I removed those fences? What if I could walk easily, at a steady pace, with no resistance, towards the life I dream about?

3. Why am I not doing it? Why do I keep putting up fences where none existed before?

That's what's on my mind tonight.

What do YOU think about these questions?

The Climate in Your Head: Brain Tornadoes or Blue Skies?

Tonight I decided I was just going to write a stream of thought.

No preparation here. Just seeing what comes out. Could be typos and lousy grammar but that's cool.

Lately I've been resonating with the idea of climate. I'm not talking about the actual climate, such as that in the photo to the right. (The cloud formations on the drive up to Barrie last Friday were pretty cool though).

Chartered Accountants?

This morning I was the kick off presenter for an audience of 60 Chartered Accountants (CAs). As part of my mission to empower quiet guys I have been actively looking for introverted professionals to engage with. I'm still not clear which quiet guys actually care about what I care about but I'm really interested in finding out!

I contacted the local chapter of the CA association, presented options for topics and was gladly invited to participate in their learning day today. The topic they chose was about the importance of building a climate for creativity and change.

What is climate?

The concept of 'climate' = the attitudes, behaviours and feelings that reflect what people experience everyday.

There are three levels of climate to be aware of: Individual psychological climate (the one in our heads), team climate and organizational climate. They are all interconnected within a workplace environment.

A creative climate (in a business context) is one that enables people to make new connections and generate ideas to satisfy the dreams, aspirations, hopes, wants, needs etc. of some group of people willing to pay for them.

In a recent study by IBM, 1,500 organizational leaders around the globe were interviewed. These leaders stated that the number one issue facing them today is increased complexity. And the number one competency  was creative leadership, the ability to thrive despite the ambiguity and uncertainty that is part of life as we know it today. I would suggest that creative leadership or creativity is something everyone can tap into, especially introverted men.

The key point in my presentation was:

If increased complexity demands increased creativity then we must understand how to enable creativity to flourish. One key answer is to become aware of and deliberately shape the climate in your head and workplace.

As I was preparing for the presentation it struck me deeply how important this message is. And I also become even more aware of the climate between my two ears.There are times when the doubt and fear swirls like a tornado, but then it is gone just as quickly. But I can feel the trail of debris it leaves. Yet in another flash the sky is blue and the sun is shining brightly. When it's like this I'm productive and want it to stay as long as possible.

Last night I stumbled upon an old journal I had written some notes in and low and behold the words below were written in it:

• Improving state of mind is the big competitive opportunity
  
• We all want relief of mental stress
  
• People seek trusted advisors because they relieve mental stress
  
• People want to know how you are going to make them feel better
  
• Improve the quality of life inside their heads
  
• Every transaction is about healing psychic wounds, not just buying a product or service
  
• We must understand the state of mind the consumer is after
  
• What do they want?
  
• How do you want them to feel? 

The words hit home for me. They reinforced the importance of this climate idea.

The bottom line is that I'm going to start focusing more deliberately on understanding the current climate in the heads of people I work with and live with. I'm also going to attempt to understand the state of mind that they are seeking. Of course I'll continue to notice the climate in my head and how it impacts my life at work and at home.

I hope you find this concept as empowering as I do.

Sunday Reflection: What is your transformation experience?

When I read the sign as I drove through Alma, Ontario last week it got me thinking...

If you don't know about Alma let me paint a picture for you. It is a small village in South-Central Ontario with one main corner. It's a place you can easily miss if you blink as you drive through.

However, there is a restaurant in town called Marj's Village Kitchen that is somewhat famous around these parts for it's home cooking. It is a rustic little spot and it was surprisingly jammed packed when I arrived at 2pm for a late lunch last Friday.

I sat at the counter because all of the tables were full. I observed the hustle and bustle of the staff serving up large platters of home cooked goodness, mugs of hot coffee, slices of freshly baked pie and a ton of good feelings.

This isn't really a restaurant review so I'll cut to the chase on this Sunday morning and let you sit with a question.

I was transformed by Alma and the experience of Marj's Village Kitchen.

When I walked into their restaurant I was transported to a physical and emotional space swirling with comfortable, warm, nostalgic feelings. It felt like home, even though I was a stranger just passing through.

Their slogan says it all: 'Welcome when you're here. Missed when you're not!'. 

I'm a fan for life. When I left Marj's I felt a bit heavier in my belly and a lot warmer in my soul. I stopped to take the picture of the Alma population sign because of the 'Population Growing' statement. It reinforced the optimistic feeling that enveloped me as I drove home that sunny fall afternoon.

Here is a Sunday Reflection for you to ponder.

Visualize the experience people have with you and how they are transformed as a result of who you are. This is a powerful technique to recharge your self-esteem and get clarity about the value you provide for people.

Start by picturing someone important to you (your spouse, your boss, a colleague, a client etc.). Then imagine they are transported into a space where YOU feel the most alive and at peace with yourself.

This is a place where you feel very powerful and your vision of what you are here to do in the world is crystal clear. It is also a space that allows you to express and share the greatest gifts you are here to offer others. You have no hesitation or fear in this space.

Look around the space.

What do you notice? What do you see, smell and hear? How does the space feel? What are you wearing? What are you doing? How are you feeling?

Now visualize your person arriving. You meet them with your heart wide open. Notice how they are carrying themselves. You can read their mind. What is on their mind? What concerns are weighing heavy for them? What are they excited about? What do they secretly crave more than anything else? What do they wish you would do for them that others have not been able to offer?

Imagine yourself at your best. Saying and doing whatever it is you do to deliver the greatest gift you are here to offer. What would you do? What would you say? What would they be doing and saying?

Visualize the transformation that occurs and how they are carrying themselves as they leave your space. What do you say as a send off to sum up what you are about and the gift they have just received? What might your slogan be? Imagine what they are thinking and feeling as they head back to the reality of their lives.

Let this experience bubble inside and see what pops up for you today. Feel free to share your experience on the blog.

Who are you pushing away?

I was looking at this note on my daughter's bedroom door and it got me thinking...

Note: If you can't read the scribbling the note is a 5 year old's spelling of 'keep out'. A special note from one sister to another.

Who are you keeping out of your life that could offer something you need right now?

What might happen if you let them in?

Take a moment to sit with these questions.

What is coming up for you?

Share your comments below.

How to Love People like Kelsey's Loves Duane

I spotted this sign at a local Kelsey's restaurant and it got me thinking...

First it got me wondering who Duane was, so I asked the hostess at the door.

I found out that Duane is a regular customer who has been going to the restaurant twice a day (lunch and dinner) since it opened.

Wow! Now that's dedication. Hopefully he's eating a salad once in a while and not only wings and burgers!

While this is a bit odd (for someone to go to one place twice a day for years) it also can be viewed as a love affair between Duane and Kelsey's.

Duane shows the establishment his love (and money) and they give him some love back with a private spot for his car.

On another note, this week is my wife's birthday and this experience has me wondering how I can make her feel as special as Kelsey's make's Duane feel. How can I treat her like the VIP she is? I'll sleep on that one.

I'm also wondering how I can make you feel this special. Let me know.

We all deserve to feel the love. Don't you think?

3 Reasons Personal Branding Matters

I was looking at my 'To Do' list and it got me thinking about personal branding:

I promise you that you will never find a more useful explanation of personal branding and why it matters.

3 Reasons Personal Branding Matters:

1. People have 'to do' lists coming out their yin yang. At work. At home. Endless lists of things to get done.

2. They hire products, services and people to help them get them done.

Examples:
I hire eggs and toast to fill my belly in the morning.
I hire my car to take me to work.
I hire my computer to write this blog post.
I hire my financial advisor to help me make the most of the money I make.

The list goes on. And that's my point. So many jobs and never enough time. That is your opportunity.

3. People will hire you to help them get a job done that they can't do (or don't have time or interest to do themselves). The more critical the job the more people will pay to get it done well. The amount that people will pay to have their floors cleaned is far less that what they will pay to have their arteries cleaned of plaque!

This matters for everyone in business

If you are an employee your boss hires you to help them do a job. If you are a business owner or service professional like I am clients hire you to help them get things done too. 

The nugget I want you to remember most

Being known as a trusted resource that helps a certain group of people get a critical job done better than anyone else is the ultimate commercial bottom line reason to invest time, money and energy in personal branding. This applies to employees and entrepreneurs.

But I like this reason too
 
Beyond the commercial value, why I love personal branding so much is that it is a deliberate process that forces you to get clear about and make promises about what jobs you can get done well (ideally better than anyone else).

Making a public promise (either on your Linked In page, resume or a blog or website) should ideally drive you to keep those promises. It will stretch you and challenge you to be a better person and professional. It will result in building a strong reputation (aka personal brand) and future demand for what you have to offer. That is unless you don't live up to your promises. You know where that ends up.

Let me be clear. The intent with personal branding is to be proactive and deliberate about the reputation (aka brand) you are building in the minds of people that matter to you.

So here is how you can start right now:

1. Write down all of the jobs that you love to get done for people. What do you love to help people achieve? What problems do you love to solve for others? What hassles or headaches do you love to remove?

2. Now go through the list and identify the jobs that are most important that you believe are being done poorly by other options out there. Do some research and see who else is trying to do the same job that you want to do and look for opportunities to offer something unique.

3. Go talk to the people you want to help and find out if your assumptions are correct,or not. If so, just simply ask them if they want some help with getting the job done and you are off to the races.Your natural passion and interest to help someone get something done that they are tired of not crossing off their list at the end of each day is money in the bank for you and great value for them.

Personal branding matters and it's your job to define your brand, express your brand and live up to your brand. Go do it. 

Full disclaimer: The concept of 'jobs to get done' comes from a talk I heard a few years back by Harvard professor Clayton Christensen. The concept aligns with another model of branding which suggests that our personal brand is a combination of 'identity' and 'utility'. The 'job' concept aligns with the utility piece of the puzzle. I will share more about the identity piece next time.

5 Images to Stimulate Business Breakthroughs

I went on a photo adventure with my two daughters and it got me thinking...

Well really it got me thinking about getting you thinking. Here are some photos I took with my BlackBerry and a question for each one to get you thinking more deeply about your business and life.


1. People crave vision. Where are you taking people?

2. You provide an experience for others. Experiences are what we remember. What welcomes people on the other side of your door? What will they see? say? do? feel? hear? think?

3. Ouch! What are you doing today that is prickly? What beauty is ready to burst forth from a painful patch?

4. Buzz buzz.This hard worker is collecting nectar to produce something sweet that makes my kids happy. What are you working hard on and why will it make people smile?

5. What gems have you been hiding? What do you want to dig up from your past experiences and share with others?






Feel free to share a photo and a question that inspires you to think deeply about life and the meaningful work you are driving to do more of.

How to stop lying to yourself and others

I saw this flower and it got me thinking...

I have no idea what kind of flower it is, but that's not important.

What is important for you to know is that the women who planted this flower and the lovely garden surrounding her home smokes cigarettes.

I find the disconnect between beautifying her outside world and polluting her inside world interesting, sad and frustrating.

Isn't this living a lie?

This lack of alignment fires up a part of me that seeks to live my truth, to push myself to fully express who I am. It brings up emotions related to feeling like I'm living a lie too.

I feel the weight of the hard truth that I'm the only one that is limiting my potential. I do things that do not align with who I know I want to be.

How about you?

It takes courage to live your truth, to share your opinion and express yourself fully. I don't know that I have the perfect answer to how to stop lying to yourself others.

So...what is the answer?

What I do know is that what is true for me often is not what is easy. It's not what makes me feel comfortable and safe. It's often about pushing through my fears, taking chances and stretching myself beyond what I believe is possible.

On the other side of taking a risk to grow I realize that what I believed to be true was actually not. On the other side a new truth emerges like a flower. Now the trick is to not fall into the trap of clinging to that new truth so tightly that it once again stops you from stretching into the person you are meant to become.

It's okay to stop and smell the flowers and enjoy yourself but when your outside behaviours become too toxic and out of alignment with who you know deep down you want to be it can impact your health, relationships and more.  Let's get working on this together by reflecting on the questions below.


Quiet Reflection Questions:
What parts of my life feel like they are a lie?

And

What is one small step that I can take right now to start living a life that is more true to who I want to be in the world?

How to Get Through an Identity Crisis in 30 Minutes or Less

I was feeding the family fish and it got me thinking...

Goldie is a blue/green Betta fish that my daughter selected from the local pet store.

It is a female tropical fish with an identity crisis.

The fish is clearly not gold, but I suppose it does have some shine to it.

My daughter was not open to any other name. In fact, she had picked the name prior to going to the store. The expectation was that we would be purchasing a goldfish. We found out that a goldfish can not live without a filter system. Despite buying a blue coloured fish the name remained Goldie.

Now we have a blue fish with a permanent identity crisis. Imagine what the other Betta fish would say about her. Would she forever feel like an outcast, an unwelcome stranger or misfit if she was reunited with her fellow species?

Do you ever feel like that as an introvert in this extrovert world we live in? Our reserved behaviour is often labeled incorrectly. Quiet is often viewed as being secretive or aloof. We are often misunderstood and it's annoying.

What I've experienced is that this scenario can trigger self doubt and often leads to questioning my worth or value. When I was younger I would spend far too long in a negative mental space asking the big questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What makes me unique and valuable? etc. etc.

I've learned after many bruises and bumps along the way how to speed up the process of getting back to my sense of self, my comfortable and confident core, and ending an identity crisis quickly.

Remember Peak Experiences

What I do is remember the top experiences in my life. The times when I was truly shining brightly. The times when I was fully 'in flow', in control, feeling expansive, influential, powerful and contributing in an authentic way to the best of my ability. These are the times when I have actually shed a tear with my clients. The tears are not from sadness but from the realization that we have both been transformed by a deep truth as a result of our coaching conversation.

A trip down memory lane, remembering the peak experiences is a simple but amazingly powerful technique that I come back to regularly. If you'd rather have a more tangible device simply update your resume and it will remind you of your best work and the tangible results you've accomplished.

A word of warning!

Beware that doing this exercise can also trigger negative self talk. Don't let yourself go there. This is not about the number of peak experiences or the size of the results you've created.

Look for the positive learning and stay focused on what this exercise is meant to do. Sit in the greatness of who you are by tapping into your best moments, even if it's only one moment, and build from that positive sense of self worth.

Take 30 minutes or less right now and reflect on a time when you felt you were making a contribution that others valued. Where were you? Who was with you? What were you doing? What impact did you have? How might you create a similar experience again?

This works for me. I hope it works for you too.

Now, how might I get this message to the blue fish called Goldie?!

How to Attract the Love of Your Life AND All the Business You Can Handle

What are the two most common topics related to introversion?

The most common topics are shyness (which isn't introversion but people often view them as the same thing) as it relates to finding the woman of your dreams and social awkwardness as it relates to networking or self promotion.

I think the answer to both scenarios are the gifts of authentic curiosity and appreciative listening.

Taking a deep interest in someone else is very rare. Sad but true. This is certainly not a new idea but it is one that clearly needs to be repeated.

How deep can people really go when they are following thousands of others on Twitter? How often does someone actually take the time to ask you about (and actually listen to) your life, your hopes and dreams and your work, beyond chit chat and small talk?

Think back to a situation where someone was deeply interested in you and how you felt at the time. You likely felt a deep connection (love?) with the other person and will have a tough time forgetting about them.

In Waterloo where I live there is a small sandwich shop called Pilot Pita and the two guys that run it always ask me (and every other customer), "How's the weekend shaping up?"

For a moment a conversation happens that is surprisingly moving. I won't speak for others but for myself I feel a stronger connection with that pita place as a result of the owners showing some interest in my life, even if it is just for a few moments while they whip up my Chicken Caesar with all the fixings.

We are often caught up in our own stuff and fail to see the yearning for a listening ear. When I let my curiosity and my heart guide me and forget about my own agenda I engage in rich conversations and it has often led to attracting business and yes, even the love of my life.

Paying attention to someone, being authentically interested in their lives is a powerfully magnet that draws people closer because it is so rare. We all want to be heard and appreciated for who we are.  Let's look at a few ways to put this idea into action.

First, here is a tip to feed your need to be heard and appreciated in a world where this is not common, especially for men.

1. Set up co-coaching relationships

I tend to be the listener and questioner so I cherish authentic, mutually supportive conversations with my coaching pal Paul Falconer. I would encourage you to seek out co-coaching relationships with other entrepreneurs who are genuinely interested in listening to you and supporting you. Note: I recorded a late night 3-hour Skype conversation with Paul that blew my mind and I will share some of the highlights in a future blog.

Next, here are some questions that easily start conversations and draw people closer. These have worked for me. Why not try them out?

2. Ask people you know, "How are you?". If they want to talk they will say more than "fine". This simple question opens up a rich conversation, usually about their struggles. 

3. Ask people you are meeting for the first time, "What do you do?" and then "What do you love the most about what you do?". Whether it's a stranger at a networking event or (in my past) a women I was interested in when I focused on what they were excited about the conversation just felt really good. When people leave smiling you know you have connected with their heart and you will have the opportunity for further conversations.

Finally, be an appreciative listener by using these follow up responses:

• Thank you, <name>, for telling me about <subject>. 
• When you were speaking, I noticed <observation>.
• You made me think about.../It was interesting that.../You really helped me...

I encourage you to activate your authentic curiosity by remembering how rare a listening ear truly is and put these ideas to work.

How to get out of your head and share your ideas

Quiet Guy - Mr. Spock

A rigid left-brain thinker who chose his words carefully Mr Spock got under Captain Kirk's skin to no end.

Like our compadre Spock, when we see the world through a logical lens and live mostly in our heads it can frustrate more expressive, extroverted people in our lives. (Just ask my wife!)

To avoid harming personal and professional relationships us introverts need to open up a bit more (or a lot more depending on your situation).

It is not easy to do. It is hard to say what's on your mind especially when there is potential for conflict.

The downside of holding ideas in our head is that it leaves others guessing and creates the perception that we don't care and are not team players.

Here are four quick tips to help you express yourself and keep extroverts on your side.

1.Just say it 

This piece of advice probably seems overly simplistic but the truth of the matter is that what makes extroverts valuable is their ability to communicate their ideas (even if they are not fully formed). Get in the habit of sharing ideas when they are half done. You can set expectations with others and take pressure off of yourself by saying something like, 'this idea is not fully formed but I'd appreciate your input to make it better'.

2. Fake it

I've found that my relationship with my wife, kids and colleagues improves when I deliberately let people know what I'm doing, where I'm going etc. and avoid my tendency to just sneak away from the party (old habits die hard). It doesn't always feel comfortable or natural but when I 'fake' being extroverted for a few minutes and let people know what's up it helps keep others thinking good thoughts about me.

3. Use a prop 

In the research work that I do for clients I've learned that it's much easier for some people to share their ideas if they have something tangible to talk about and direct their attention to. It works like a charm because it takes the focus off of you or the other person and directs it to some inanimate object, drawing or image. If you are thinking about an idea and want to get input on the idea try drawing a rough picture of it and then sharing that with others for input rather than simply talking about it.

4. Separate ideas from your identity 

In the book 'Egonomics', authors David Marcum and Steven Smith write about a powerful concept that  has helped me share ideas with others. Many of us have a hard time receiving feedback. We take input personally. Their position is that we should deliberately separate out ideas with our identity. Having a open conversation about this concept with the people you work with will open up the team, reduce hurt feelings and generate rich conversations.


If you find that critiques feel personal in nature politely direct the focus back to the idea not the person that brought the idea to the table. The goal is to create a work environment where the best idea wins no matter where the idea came from. Let's remember that ideas are a dime a dozen. Ideas without implementation don't amount to much. So don't take your ideas too seriously. When we take ourselves too seriously we tend to hold our ideas inside and it becomes a losing proposition for all involved.  

I hope these tips help you get out of your head, share your ideas and make a bigger impact in the lives of the people you live and work with.

Live quiet and prosper!

Be yourself and be successful? Or Not?

Do you ever get caught between two decisions?

I'm caught in a mental back and forth that maybe you've been through yourself. After some reflection and writing I think I have a path out of the muddle and I thought I would share it with you.

The question I have been thinking about and talking to others about is can we have everything we want by just being our quiet guy selves or do we have to stretch and grow and push ourselves to get out of our own heads and maybe take on some extroverted tendencies to be successful?

One notion I've been thinking about is that we can 'be quiet and prosper'. It is appealing to think that we can just be ourselves and succeed. It feels really good in my soul to think about just being me and having everything I dream of.

Mike Robbins wrote a book reinforcing the idea called 'Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken'.
Mike suggests that society tells us we are broken and we need to be fixed. His position is that we should focus on being ourselves, be authentic, yet at the same time what I don't think he's saying is that we can hide and run scared from life and use our quietness as an excuse.

Here is what I know from my experience. I used to be more shy than I am today. I don't think that is who I was or am. It's not authentic for me to be shy. That is not who I am. There is a distinction between shy and introverted which we should get clear about. Introversion does not mean shy. Introversion is often connected to shyness because most people don't know the difference.

Shyness is connected to fear while introversion and extroversion are related to where you get your energy from, or where you tend to live most of the time. Introverts prefer the world of thoughts and ideas and get energy or recharge by themselves. We tend to be less action-oriented and more reflective in nature. While extroverts are more action-oriented, enjoy the outer world and recharge their energy by being around other people.

The challenge is that extroverts often label introverts as shy because we tend to think before we speak. We need time to process which in a fast-paced extroverted world can be viewed as being hesitant, shy, quiet, indecisive etc. etc. etc.

I believe it's authentic to be introverted and I'm all for leveraging our strengths and finding work that allows us to use our gifts, but our tendency to live in our heads can also be limiting in an extroverted world.

My position is that I think introverts must move to the middle and adopt extroverted tendencies at times. I don't think this is inauthentic. I think it's sensible to recognize the environment and people around us and flex ourselves to create a better dynamic with the extroverts in our lives. I believe that we must get out of our heads more than we might like to, to truly have all that we want out of life.

One thing I want is less stress in my life.

I've reduced my stress over the past few years by getting out of my head more than I used to. I learned that if I share ideas with others before they are fully formed it is a win-win scenario. In the past I let my introverted ways get the best of me. I would think and think and think about ideas on my own. Analysis paralysis is a challenge for me and other introverts I've met. I've found that putting my ideas out there for others to comment on early and often has made my life much happier. I'm less stressed and my wife and colleagues feel more involved as they are able to provide input and direction early on rather than wondering what I'm thinking about for so long.

So there are two positions. One position is that you can be yourself and be successful. The other is that you must flex and adapt to your surroundings. I think the answer is a hybrid of the two ideas. You should strive to be authentic, know who you are, what you stand for and take comfort in your quiet guy gifts or talents but also recognize that you don't live in a bubble. If you have big dreams like I do it will mean stretching and growing and adapting. Just remember that you are not alone. You can keep coming back here for ideas and inspiration to get out of your head and into life in ways you probably can't even imagine right now.

What do you think?

12.5 Best One-Line Definitions of Personal Branding

Personal branding is an idea and process that many introverts resist.

Personal branding is an introverted and extroverted activity. It involves self exploration to unlock a vision for your life's work that leverages what you care deeply about, what you are most talented at and what you enjoy doing.

It goes beyond personal discovery work to include a marketing element of packaging and promoting the best of who you are so that the people you most want to work with and help know about you and ultimately hire you for what you bring to the table.

I find a lot of introverts resist the idea of personal branding because of the perception that it's about shameless self promotion, tooting your own horn, putting yourself in the spotlight etc. While there is some truth to the idea that personal branding requires putting yourself out there there are many benefits of using the ideas and concepts of personal branding to focus yourself and move more deliberately towards your goals and vision.

I'll be writing more about personal branding for introverts in an upcoming blog. Let's start the conversation with some definitions of personal branding.

I'm a member of the Linked In Group 'Personal Branding Network'. Recently the question was posed "How do you define Personal Brand in one sentence?" Over a hundred people replied to this question. In my humble opinion here are the top 12.5 ideas (in no particular order):


1. Bearing in mind that perception is not always reality, one’s personal brand is comprised of his or her appearance, personality and character traits, beliefs and attitudes, skills, and the accomplishments for which he or she is best known.

2. Your personal brand is the thing that makes you and others smile when you're talking about it or doing it.

3. The 1st thing people think of when they hear your name.

4. (This was my response) It's what people associate with you, how they think and feel about you based on their experiences with you directly or indirectly through word of mouth or content, products etc. that act as an extension of who you are and what you stand for. We all leave our mark on the people we interact with. The decision for each of us is how deliberate we want to be about it.

5. You have a personal brand whether you are aware of it or not but a strong Personal Brand will be intentional and reflect your true character, values, strengths, and uniqueness to the world around you.

6. Your brand is the answer to the question: "Why should your prospect or target pick up the phone when you call?"

7. Personal branding (any branding for that matter) is the creation, manipulation, and power to influence “perception” in the minds of others.

8. The 'emotional response you evoke in others'.

9. Your personal brand is..The promise you keep... every time!

10. Your personal brand is what others say about you when your not there.

11. Your value - what you can do uniquely well to help others address opportunities or solve problems that matter to them.

12. Your most valuable asset in business today.

12.5 The art of being yourself and being perceived as unique and valuable.


Have you defined your personal brand? Do you even care about it? It's time you took a serious look at it if you've ignored or avoided it.

Start by reflecting on your beliefs about personal branding. What aspects of personal branding do you feel could help you achieve your goals? What aspects of personal branding do you dislike and why? Revealing your affirming and limiting beliefs will help identify potential fuel to build on and barriers to manage as you build your brand.

Free Myers Briggs Personality Test and Other Resources To Know Yourself Better

Introversion is a tendency to live in one's head. When the world is going crazy we can retreat to our heads for some peace and quiet.

I first learned about introversion when I took the Myers Briggs Type Indicator assessment tool in 1998 and found out that I was an INFP - the Healer personality type. The assessment helped me feel validated for who I was. I often come back to personality assessments when I'm feeling off center and unsettled.

Today I redid the assessment and came up as INFJ - the Counselor.  And today this feels right. Aaaahhhh that feels gooooooodddd.

You can take a free Myers Briggs test at this link if you are interested
http://bit.ly/eeiFO8

There are more comprehensive tests and coaching available through CAPT.


The summary the free test provided described my profile as:

• distinctively expressed introvert
• moderately expressed intuitive personality
• slightly expressed feeling personality
• slightly expressed judging personality 

What has been helpful for me is learning that on these dimensions we can be slight or moderate or strong and that they can shift over time depending on how we fill out the survey, the mood we are in at the time and the circumstances around us that call out different sides of our personality.

I find personality assessments a quick way to find solid footing and recharge my sense of self worth when someone or something knocks it down. We all need something to lean on but it's important that we don't use assessments as a crutch. No one assessment can provide a picture of all the richness of who we are. That's why I like to use a variety of tools to find my center.

Here are three of my favourite resources:  (Note: I don't make any money promoting these resources)

1. Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator® (PMAI®) assessment

I love the idea of living a story and playing a character and role in the world. Archetypes and the PMAI assessment help tap into our stories and roles. I will be writing about this in future blog postings.

The Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator® (PMAI®) assessment is designed to help an individual understand the roles they prefer to adopt as they approach life.

Learn more about the PMAI
Take the PMAI for $18US

2. Playful Way to Knowing Yourself

A dynamic workbook that prompts you to look at yourself from angles and perspectives you would not otherwise see. I like the picture prompts the author uses to tap into different aspects of our personality and values. Get it here.

3. The Introverts Advantage 

One of the bibles to learn about introversion and how to leverage the strengths and manage the downsides of being a Quiet Guy. Get it here.


I love my introverted tendencies and all the richness that comes with it. Using assessments to better understand introversion and other aspects of my personality and place in the world gives me strength and stability in a constantly changing world.

What resources do you utilize to reconnect with who you are and find solid footing? Please share in the comments below.

5 Questions To Calm The Angry Introvert

Anger is an emotion that creeps up. It attaches itself to our minds and hearts like a parasite that feeds on our souls. It compromises our relationships and reputation when it strikes in unhealthy ways.

Anger is triggered when we feel we have lost something. That loss could be the loss of a loved one, the loss of money, the loss of an opportunity...the list goes on and on.

The loss of control, or the perception of it is a common trigger for anger. Tightly woven to the loss of control is the need to be right which often creates battles at home and at work.

As introverts the challenge we can have with anger is how to manage it and prevent it from building up inside of us. That is until something or someone tips the scale and blamo the anger is released. And the anger that is released often takes the form of verbal or physical actions that emotionally or physically harm others and potentially ourselves.

Let's dig deeper into the beliefs that cause anger to bubble and explode and then I will suggest some questions you can ask yourself to help take the pressure off and turn anger into calm in a matter of seconds.

When I've explored the web of beliefs connected to the need to feel in control one core belief is "I am right and they are wrong."


The reason anger builds up is that we have either not learned or are not applying the skill of surrendering our need to be right. Our need to be right creates an instant battlefield that requires a winner and a loser. A simple shift in perspective can help. We need to snap ourselves out of our own heads and get into the heads and hearts of the person we are directing our anger at as quickly as possible.

These are questions that have worked for me. I hope they help you too. 

1. Who am I being?

This question helps increase awareness of behaviour and sometimes just by itself is enough to create a healthy shift that defuses anger. 

2. Why do I love them?

This question puts the angry introvert right into the heart of the other person in a positive way and takes the focus away from winning the fight.

3. How might they be right?

There are other points of view and without giving up your voice you can share your position and then you can seek to understand the other person's position.

4. What is this costing me?

There is always a cost to anger. Reminding yourself what not dealing with anger is doing to you and those around you can move you to take positive action. 

5. Who do I want to be?

Reconnecting to the vision of the person you are striving to be is a powerful antidote to anger. 

Anger is an emotion that personally I want to work on managing better. I'm sure I'll be writing about this again. What makes you angry? How do you manage it?

THE answer to the dreaded 'Elevator Pitch'

I used to teach entrepreneurs how to craft an elevator pitch. An elevator pitch is a short summary of the value you offer.

I've studied the masters and have shared their tips for many years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a clear and compelling message or story about the value you offer. The problem is that introverts invest far too much time and energy searching for the perfect words without actually testing it out in the real world. We do like to live in our heads don't we?

If I've learned anything in the past year, especially from author and marketing guru Seth Godin it is the importance of trying things out in the real world, learning from the experience and adjusting as you go.

There is no perfect formula. There are no perfect words. What I've personally witnessed is that people buy you and your passion to help them solve their problems or achieve their goals. The words you use are far less important than the excitement you transfer to others. And the best way to get excited is to get out there and share whatever it is you are passionate about with the people you love to serve.

There is a deep yearning within quiet entrepreneurs to be heard and accepted. This yearning drives them to invest a lot of time and money to find the perfect words. My message today is simple. Stop worrying about the perfect words and get focused on the people you are here to serve.

Ask lots of questions to understand what they care about, dream about, cry about and get pissed off about. Use your natural gift of listening to truly help others feel heard and important. Nothing is more attractive than that. Who needs an elevator pitch if you focus on being interested in other people rather than on your own navel?

As a card carrying member of the introverted side of life I know how much I enjoy living in my head and how much that tendency can limit my ability to help others. I'm writing this post as much for myself as I am for you.

Do you know what the people you are serving really want and how to help them get it? If so, write it down so you don't go off track and focus on being the best at whatever it is you are doing. If not, shift your focus to become more interested in others and make it your mission this week to ask more questions and learn something new about the people you want to help.